The past 10 days have been rich with awareness. Here are a few that have opened up for me. Maybe they will resonate or help you too.
1. When my body has a new feeling or a symptom, my mind immediately goes to worst case scenario. Why? Because when my body was having new sensations, they were caused by harmful, betrayal behavior. My body became a source of feeling unsafe instead of a source of joyful pleasure. This led to protective dissociation, and not wanting to feel my body because I could not trust its messages. (Fortunately, over the past 6 years I have learned otherwise.)
2. When life gets tough and overwhelming, my tendency was to up my work and dive in deeper to avoid the pains asking to be met with love. Why? Because I was not aware that it is okay to feel overwhelm and unsure about life, and even more so, I was unaware that I am strong enough to handle it.
3. I had a core belief that I was unworthy of happiness, joy, and love because of the perceptions in my mind that my child-self bought into and heavily invested in at a very young age. Why? Because someone I was supposed to have been able to trust, who said they loved me, betrayed me and my body. Therefore I created the story that love, joy, and happiness are not safe, and definitely not safe if presented by someone who says they love you.
4. I get light-headed and spacey when too much energy happening within me and around me. In the past I attributed this to be tired, ungrounded, disconnected. Really it is my empathic gifts showing up in an unhealthy way. Overstimulated, too much commotion, too much of everything. I am learning to harness the energy and send it down into the Earth to root me while also inviting it to ascend up into the sky to keep me open to Divine guidance. I become an energy rod instead of a spastic, electrical fuse with no where to plug into for grounding.
This healing journey is not easy but bringing many blessings of hope, faith, and love. New insights are abundant and lessons are being integrated.
If you are struggling to gain new perspective on why patterns keep repeating in your life, and why you can’t seem to make forward progress, reach out. See a therapist, a great life coach, a mentor, a friend who can hold space without judgement, a trusted teacher/advisor, a healer.
Seek shelter from the storm and begin to observe the chaos instead of sitting in the middle of it.